This means I need to rely on you, our reader, particularly over the next day or two, to help me spot any problems with p. 4 of the story we're planning to submit to the next Elfworld anthology. Mainly, I think I've got things worked out: there's a sign in every panel (though some of them are mostly obscured or only partially in-panel), and there's a disguise presented and then revealed (to the reader). The script has changed slightly from my thumbnails, which isn't unusual for me. I also reconsidered the composition of a couple of panels, to make the storytelling a little clearer. (Panel five, in particular, is my third attempt. I think it's finally working.)
You can click on this to enlargify it:
I include my pencil in this picture so Tom can see what tiny writing his constrains have pushed me into. (I do not harbor any illusions that it will all be legible on the postcards; whatever; they'll still be signs, even if you can't read them all.)
I also include, in panel 5, some of my perspective guide lines, for my comics students who sometimes check this blog, so they can see that I, too, struggle with getting it all to look right. (My solution this time? Draw the walls and furniture first.)
I've given Arntham's business a name ("Inner Eye Impossible Cartography"), and I've listed a few of the things the shop specializes in charting: forgotten realms, lost worlds, invisible cities,
and undiscovered countries. Those sound like fun, as long as you're able to return from their bourns...Coming soon (probably tomorrow): Ben Towle's constraints for pages 5 and 6.
EDIT (1:30 PM): I just noticed (and fixed—phew!) a couple of panels in which I'd drawn the crenellations on Stepan's chest going the wrong way, up from that black band instead of down. I'm not sure how that happened, but rest assured that the error won't be perpetuated in the inked version of the page.
Where do you guys plan on listing the constraints for the reader?
ReplyDeleteI'm just thinking that without knowledge of them the transition from page 3 to 4 would be a bit abrupt. Mike with no clearly defined panels and you with eleven.
Without reading the above comment, I was going to say something similar. It is probably going to be a bit jarring - the transition from one page to another. But aside from that , you done good. I like that the constraint caused you to add so much to the character and the story, specifically the extremely commercial aspect of Artham's domain.
ReplyDeleteCheers,
Tom
Can't wait to see Towle's!
When we print them as postcards, the constraints will be listed on the back. In the anthology submission, I think we're going to run the constraints underneath the art, page by page, like footnotes.
ReplyDeleteYou're right that the transition out of Mike's p. 3 seems a little awkward, but I think when I look at them as pages (and not as images on the internet), next to each other, it works. There's still something like a four-tier grid underlying Mike's free-flowing page (the bottom row of panels is almost exactly 1/4 of the page tall), so I think that it'll work.
If anything, the difference is one of density: there's a lot more open space (or pure text space) on p. 3.
I thought about getting rid of a few panel borders on p. 4, to open things up a little bit, but with all of the speech balloons and background details, I think the panels are going to look brodered even when they're not. (That'll be especially true when I get around to coloring these pages.)