Some of this might get edited when I see Mike's pencils for the previous page, and of course it's all up for quibbling and criticism, which is why I'm posting it now. We get a couple of new characters on this page, and some explanation for the way that Stepan's magic works. (I probably need to make it clearer that he destroys whatever thing he uses to cast his spell.)
I also want to change the final speech balloon to say, "They've found us already!"
Here's what I've got. You'll be able to see the Langridge with no problem. The J. Chris Campbell is in the final panel, when the trio on the cart sees the shadowy bad guys all around them:
I think I'm going to enjoy drawing the junk dealers. One of them has already appeared in the story, in the second panel of page one. (He's the bird-like guy with the barrel chest.) The other one is a new design. I wanted him to look a little like a toad. He appears here, in some notes, but I can't guarantee he'll continue to look like that.
What do you think? Are there problems? Things I ought to fix?
I like. Two questions:
ReplyDelete1) Is the area with the shadows after the Langridge panel in a panel itself or is it in a wide gutter? Just curious...
2) Do you think the final dialogue will specify that by "drawing the magic out of everyday things," Stepan uses up those things? I.e., that bug he used on page 4 does not survive its use for the spell. (You probably don't need to go deeply into the natural resources of magic here, but I was curious.)
Also, that first design of the toad-man in his little sweater is sadly funny. You might want to save him for some other purpose later! The "yes" version is a definite improvement for our story, though he (she?) looks a bit like a Hausfrau. Just imagine a duster in that outstretched arm...
1.) That's supposed to be a large gutter on the right side of the round panel. Also, the shadow guys are supposed to appear in some of the other gutters as well. I forgot to put them in.
ReplyDelete2.) I am going to try, in the final dialogue, to make it clear that Stepan does use up / destroy the things he casts his spells around. I'm not sure how I'll fit that in, but I think I can do it when I get the script going.
3.) Hausfrau. Hm. Maybe it's a toad-lady, married to a bird-man? Stranger things have happened (in comics)...