Thursday, January 1, 2009

Post-Holiday Superhero Shopstravaganza,
... or,
If I Were Famke Janssen

I don't know about you, but Boxing Day usually finds me staggering through the aisles of Rite-Aid or Sav-On or some other misspell-hyphenated all-nite drugstore, looking for cold pills or scarfing up rejected holiday cards and candy. Then I buy a bunch of discounted toys and wrap them in discounted wrapping paper. This way, I can pretend it's Christmas all winter long.

Actually, that's a lie. I spent Boxing Day in airports. I was in the local drugstore getting a prescription filled months ago when I took these pictures, and it was only the image in Gerry Canavan's New Year's post that reminded me to put them up on the blog.

You see, I am unreasonably interested in crummy superhero toys, though not interested enough to purchase them. I usually take crummy picturephone photos of them to send to Mike.

For example, here's a picture of a smug-sarcastic-friendly Batman, and his super friend, a dopey, doe-eyed, L'il-Abner Superman:

Ready the Bat-Smirk, Robin! I've got a doofus Kryptonian to mock!

And then there's the atrocious "Phoenix" I spotted. Now, Famke Janssen is generally considered to be a fairly pretty lady. She was even a Bond girl, you know.

But here's what happened when she went through the action-figure machine:

"Jean's Fen-Mask" is an anagram of "Famke Janssen," by the way.

Here is a page where the product packaging allows you to compare movie screenshots with the action-figure sculpt. What can I say? I think If I'd spent years of my life playing Cyclops's dead-again-alive-again ladyfriend, I'd be fairly miffed.

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